When I'm stressed, and hurting, and cranky as all get out, I knit lace. Yes, doing a garter stitch scarf would be easier, and doing rows and rows of stockinette would leave less room for error, but lace is what it takes to put me back at piece with the world.
Knitting lace gives me time to think, and time to not think. There's something about reading a chart, and looking at the controlled chaos that makes me think, "OK. I can do this. You knit, and yarnover, and knit-two-together, and slip slip knit, and it all works out right in the end." And then the next row, there's nothing but purling (save for the three knit stitches to make the border on each edge).
It's soothing. It makes sense. And it gives me control when it feels like the world is taking all control away from me. If I can knit lace, I can survive.
This is what I made the last time I was hurting, and needed lace to rebuild. I had started it before the very painful end of a relationship, and used it to help me through those next few weeks. Doing lace helped me think about what I was losing, what had happened to that relationship, and how pain could create such a beautiful, beautiful work of art.
When I started using this shawl to work through Life, this is what I posted on Facebook:
Lace is a funny thing. It's hard sometimes, and sometimes it takes some work. And sometimes you want to rip it out, throw it on the ground and stomp on it. But when you're done, it's really quite beautiful.
What I am working on now will not be the Thing for February. Instead, I'm knitting it as a gift for a friend who is getting married soon. When I finished the Healing Shawl, she liked it, but wanted a bigger one. So she bought the pink yarn, and I'm knitting it.
Unlike the last lace shawl, this one is not being knit to help me heal through a time of grief. Instead, it's going to help me realize that although life can be hard, and it may be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, that the light is there. if faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to, and hope is the bit of common sense that helps you see your faith through... then lace is the conduit to help you make that journey to feeling whole again.
And life, like knitting lace, is just a series of knots and smooth passages, and a pattern that in the end leads to one beautiful work of art.
I like to knit more complicated patterns when I'm irritated or cranky too. I think having something else consume the better part of my focus helps take my mind from the things bothering me. I hope the shawl helps you work things out.
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